You sought to forget I was never one of you, that I was a young body that knew how to learn the rules and when to abide.
When my eyes opened, you saw the redness, the sheen and little more. "Glazed," you called it, "an affect flat as the plains." You asked if I was "there", not specifying "where", and I was, but so many other places as well, places you would not care to visit. You never inquired, you wouldn't deign and ever worse, never listened, only heard noises you likened to the ramblings of Old Bishop Yates.
Yes, I sometimes struggle to find the words.
But I am not like Yates, alone in that cell on the hill they dubbed a home, spoonfed pale gruel and babbling at wallpaper and plasticware about fate, about transgressions and humanity. Waiting for his daily sessions, the biometrics and the ink blots, choking down capsules to keep his voice low and his body sluggish. His mind rejected reality and left him a husk. I am not Yates. We are different through and through.
But I AM alone, and have been. In my conscience. In these travels. In these frenzy wilds where brigands roam and gale winds snatch man and wisp alike. This look, my affect you mistook for a madman's gaze, is all I have to protect me. What you glimpsed is more skeletal grin than mask, the baring, the underlayer.
A P A T H Y of my own making against an indifferent world.
We took dirt and rock, turnt it to refined metals, and in turn, to metropoli, and then again, to commerce, to strife. We pulled ephemera from the material and broadcast it at overlapping intervals without pause to tapped neurons in high-definition and mechanicolor. As they say:
“Strive, and you shall eventually sow the sky.”
this place is not haunted
black and crystal, verdant swathes, long streams
wind, burst, spill
disappear over curvature
sky and earth, each aglow, pre-violet warnings to the flesh-comprised
land speaks in languages for which we need intermediaries—meteorologists, shamans, psychonauts— a host of sage traditions founded in a desperate effort to understand
without, what can I hope to learn of the firmament ?